It's not just a bad movie. It's THE bad movie.
Originally, I had thought that it would be best to begin my Bad Movies category with something a bit more... mundane. I almost went for a simple terrible flick such as Wrong Cops, Pacific Rim, or Twilight - and rest assured that non of these will escape my wrath - but then I thought hey, just go big or go home. So here we go, ladies and gentlemen. The movie which defines the "bad movie" genre. The movie also known as "the Citizen Kane of bad movies". The movie that always manages to separate the strong from the weak at every movie party. Tommy Wiseau's The Room.
Behold! Tomy Wiseau, the Michelangelo of Awfulness.
The Room is a jewel of its kind, directed by Tommy Wiseau, the Breaker of Minds, who is also the author of the script AND the lucky guy starring as the main character, Johnny. The script is just disasterous, the music is bland, the acting is laughably bad, everything looks and sounds like an utter, although unintended, parody of itself and I have never watched this movie without witnessing someone leave in unbelieving disgust (while I was weeping with masochistic joy). What makes it such a magical experience? Let me explain and take you on a guided tour through Tommy Wiseau's cocaine-induced insanity.
Let's begin with the characters. Johnny (Tommy Wiseau, the Ruiner of Art) is some sort of a bank IT consultant or whatever who sometimes seems to enjoy his job and sometimes he desperately hates it. This poor guy who suffers from inexplicable mood swings lives with his fiancée, a chubby, unemployed blonde bimbo named Lisa. By the way, all male characters in the movie seem to consider her incredibly hot as if she was a physical manifestation of Aphrodite or something. He is also stalked by this weird kid/guy (?) Danny who is a) incredibly creepy, b) has no background whatsoever, c) is apparently capable of teleportation. The last important character is Mark - Johnny's best friend (as you will hear every 3 minutes) who shags his best friend's future wife whenever possible while feeling really guilty about it.
Let's begin with the characters. Johnny (Tommy Wiseau, the Ruiner of Art) is some sort of a bank IT consultant or whatever who sometimes seems to enjoy his job and sometimes he desperately hates it. This poor guy who suffers from inexplicable mood swings lives with his fiancée, a chubby, unemployed blonde bimbo named Lisa. By the way, all male characters in the movie seem to consider her incredibly hot as if she was a physical manifestation of Aphrodite or something. He is also stalked by this weird kid/guy (?) Danny who is a) incredibly creepy, b) has no background whatsoever, c) is apparently capable of teleportation. The last important character is Mark - Johnny's best friend (as you will hear every 3 minutes) who shags his best friend's future wife whenever possible while feeling really guilty about it.
The irresistible blonde bimbo, the leather face, the creepy alien kid and the best friend ever.
To the plot! Right at the beginning, you'll need to suffer through several painfully long and disturbingly detailed sex scenes including various shots of Tommy Wiseau (the Bringer of Desperation) and his leathery, monstrous cocaine ass., and a really weird scene with Danny the Creepy Kid who appears in their bedroom and asks if he can watch... Johnny is madly in love with this rather worthless blonde gold-digger Lisa. Lisa decides to fuck Mark because why not. Mark indeed proceeds to screw her on Johnny's bed while repeating that Johnny is his best friend. Later, two unknown people enter Johnny's appartment and have bizzare sex on his couch while eating chocolate truffles. The blonde bimbo starts acting like the bitch she is and Johnny begins to lose his honest, unsuspecting shit. A drug dealer inexplicably threatens Danny on the roof of Johnny's house and is only stopped by Johnny and Mark who miraculously appear and disarm him.
Weirdness ensues for about another half an hour. Johnny becomes an emotional wreck (which we have to guess since Tommy Wiseau, the Herald of Nine Hells, has no functional mimic muscles), Lisa becomes a slightly cockier whore than before, Danny begins to suspect, Mark becomes driven by guilt and starts to hate everyone and then there are many other character that are never introduced and nobody cares about them. I won't spoil the ending for you but yes, there IS blood and shooting!
Fun fact - according to the original script, Johnny was supposed to be a vampire which would be revealed by the ending. Why? Because Tommy Wiseau, the Devil's Spielberg, is apparently a huge vampire fan. Tragically, the vampiric scene included a flying car and it did not fit in the virtually non-existent budget, so it had to be left out and poor Johnny remained a simple human. And no, I'm not kidding.
Weirdness ensues for about another half an hour. Johnny becomes an emotional wreck (which we have to guess since Tommy Wiseau, the Herald of Nine Hells, has no functional mimic muscles), Lisa becomes a slightly cockier whore than before, Danny begins to suspect, Mark becomes driven by guilt and starts to hate everyone and then there are many other character that are never introduced and nobody cares about them. I won't spoil the ending for you but yes, there IS blood and shooting!
Fun fact - according to the original script, Johnny was supposed to be a vampire which would be revealed by the ending. Why? Because Tommy Wiseau, the Devil's Spielberg, is apparently a huge vampire fan. Tragically, the vampiric scene included a flying car and it did not fit in the virtually non-existent budget, so it had to be left out and poor Johnny remained a simple human. And no, I'm not kidding.
Yes, this is an actual quote from the movie.
The dialogues are incredibly bad and therefore so funny you WILL probably feel like your sides are about to split at several points. What makes them even better is the fact that Tommy Wiseau, the Master of Disaster, apparently kept forgetting his lines and most of his scenes had to be redubbed in the post-production; combined with his leather-couch like face, it looks just amazing.
I could probably go on and write several pages on what else sucks about this movie. The exteriors, the zero production quality, the plot holes, the nonsensical situations and unknown characters suddenly appearing from nowhere... I don't think that is necessary, though. Much like with skydiving, shooting, sex or a panic attack, you will probably never really understand the sensation unless you actually experience it yourself. So don't hesitate. If you want the ultimate party movie which will help you find out which of your friends are really hardcore weirdos, go for this masterpiece. Watch it, embrace it, join the cult.
I can assure you that your life will never be the same again.
Do it.
You know you want to.
I could probably go on and write several pages on what else sucks about this movie. The exteriors, the zero production quality, the plot holes, the nonsensical situations and unknown characters suddenly appearing from nowhere... I don't think that is necessary, though. Much like with skydiving, shooting, sex or a panic attack, you will probably never really understand the sensation unless you actually experience it yourself. So don't hesitate. If you want the ultimate party movie which will help you find out which of your friends are really hardcore weirdos, go for this masterpiece. Watch it, embrace it, join the cult.
I can assure you that your life will never be the same again.
Do it.
You know you want to.