...a movie that will not leave you with mixed feelings but rather with no feelings at all.
Soooo I did it. Sprinting through spoiler traps everywhere around me, fighting with my own unrealistic expectations and knowingly inadequate mistrust, I managed to see the new Star Wars quite shortly after its premiere. To my own surprise, it wasn't bad. To my disappointment, it was far, far away from good. Star Wars pun intended.
After seeing the first trailer (with the famous "Look how sweaty I am" ethnical opening), I had been very, very sceptical about the whole Epizode VII thing. The trailer just seemed... lacking, with only the Millenium Falcon and good old Harrison Ford to save the day and a Darth-Vader-light villain with the silliest lightsabre ever. However, as I plunged deeper into various fan theories on what the script might be, I got quite thrilled about the newest SW piece and I was genuinely looking forward to finally seeing the whole thing in IMAX where it belongs. Would Luke Skywalker be the Sith lord? Would there be evil Jar-Jar? Would the whole franchise get much darker and grittier than before?
I must say it was a relief to see that the franchise did not get completely fucked-up but you can probably imagine my disappointment when I found out that... well... this was not really a new epizode.
After seeing the first trailer (with the famous "Look how sweaty I am" ethnical opening), I had been very, very sceptical about the whole Epizode VII thing. The trailer just seemed... lacking, with only the Millenium Falcon and good old Harrison Ford to save the day and a Darth-Vader-light villain with the silliest lightsabre ever. However, as I plunged deeper into various fan theories on what the script might be, I got quite thrilled about the newest SW piece and I was genuinely looking forward to finally seeing the whole thing in IMAX where it belongs. Would Luke Skywalker be the Sith lord? Would there be evil Jar-Jar? Would the whole franchise get much darker and grittier than before?
I must say it was a relief to see that the franchise did not get completely fucked-up but you can probably imagine my disappointment when I found out that... well... this was not really a new epizode.
And srsly, what the fuck is that, why does it exist and why has nobody walked the plank for it.
I should probably explain that. Let me share the plot synopsis with you: Apparently, after Episode VI, Luke tried to rebuild the Jedi order, failed completely and walked away because he did not want to clean up his own mess. Without much explaining, you are introduced to the current state of affairs - the good guys (Republic) fight against the bad guys (First Order - which is just like Imperium, they just look more like space nazis) and more good guys (Resistance) help them in the fight for some reason.
The Resistance wants to find Luke because why not, the First Order tries to stop them from doing that and they also build a huge new Death Star without anyone really giving a fuck. The new Death Star does not just destroy planets, mind you, but entire systems. The Republic just... sits there, really, and does not do anything about the huge space station of death that is the size of a planet and coming their way and probably took FUCKING DECADES to build. So the space nazis eventually destroy the lethargic good guys, the remaining good guys amass a huge flotilla of like 20 X-wing fighters, destroy an important thingie and the Death Star blows up. Yay. All that is achieved with the help of a somewhat dashing rogue and a young heroine who lives a harsh, boring life on desert planet until she saves a droid and gets involved into all this.
No. That's not the plot of the first epizode (by which I mean Episode IV: New Hope because fuck you, George Lucas) but the plot of this, newest Star Wars movie. Not really episode VII but rather episode 4.1. This is even more disappointing due to the fact that there are SO MANY possible interesting plotlines in the Star Wars universe - and we get none and are just fed with some recycled, yet still edible mess. There even is another Death Star for fuck's sake, just bigger!
What I was most curious about were the actors, especially after seeing the black guy (I don't know the names of anyone besides Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford, sorry - in the movie, they called him Finn) in the trailer. Unfortunately, he is just as tasteless and non-interesting as I suspected and most of the time, he just runs around, sweating heavily and looking surprised. The strong, independent jedi chick - Rey - at least has a few facial expressions but still nothing to write home about. Whenever Harrison Ford returns from the dead to act, he completely outshines anyone else, especially the politically correct couple above. And since his character finally dies in this movie, we will have to stick with Mr. Sweaty and Ms. Bland for the sequels. I also really hoped that the villain would be as good as he had seemed but... nope.
Meet Ms. Boring and Mr. Bland. The TIE fighters WERE awesome, though.
This episode's villain might be one of the least intimidating and threatening Siths we have ever seen in the movies. Despite his really POWERFUL introduction, later on he just behaves like an emo teenager, experiencing wild outbursts of uncontrollable rage and leading heartbreaking monologues about how he is torn apart between the two sides of the Force. Also, he gets unmasked in the movie (that's NOT how you are supposed to handle a masked villain) and he really just looks like an insecure schoolboy. The worst thing, though, was that he got his ass handed to him decisively in a lightsabre fight by two of the heroes without any experience with those things.
But the original actors... oooooh my, those were perfect. Once again, I must praise Harrison Ford, he steals the show whenever he shows up. And when Han and Leia awkwardly meet like an old married couple, the chemistry between them somehow still seems to work. Chewie is still a guy in a monkey suit, the droids are there mostly so that Disney can sell some more SW toys to kids. Mark Hamill makes a VERY short appearance but already shows promise - I might be biased, though, that guy is just too awesome.
But the original actors... oooooh my, those were perfect. Once again, I must praise Harrison Ford, he steals the show whenever he shows up. And when Han and Leia awkwardly meet like an old married couple, the chemistry between them somehow still seems to work. Chewie is still a guy in a monkey suit, the droids are there mostly so that Disney can sell some more SW toys to kids. Mark Hamill makes a VERY short appearance but already shows promise - I might be biased, though, that guy is just too awesome.
Not exactly a convincing supervillain. Give us evil Jar-Jar!
Well, now for the good part. The visuals are sometimes really, REALLY stunning, especially the dogfight scenes between Rebel (sorry, Resistance) and Space Nazi fighters just look cool and the camera actually lets you enjoy them. The sceneries and well-paced action in this movie are what saves it and what makes sure that you will not regret spending your money. Everything about the various crafts in the game is just lovely, the stormtroopers seem slightly less retarded than before (I think they even hit something in the beginning), the lightsabre combats show some actual potential if you try not to mind the non-sensical plot background. The music, naturally based upon the already existing Star Wars themes, is exactly what the fans expect and want, although I really missed the previously omnipresent Imperial March.
Overall, the movie is just NOT BAD. And that's it. I would give it a rather solid 6/10. Which is my problem with it because I just hoped, despite everything, that the new Star Wars movie awaited for so long would be awesome or at least kinda good. But it's not. What I am sort of optimistic about, though, are the sequels. The movie is just so damn full of potential that I am still looking forward to getting more because it really doesn't need that much to BECOME good eventually. Keep the visuals, hell, even keep the new actors, just give us some creative, well-thought and less chaotic plot (srsly, how difficult can it be to find good scriptwriters with this budget?), let the villain grow up a bit and we'll have a very decent new trilogy.
With The Force Awakens, though, I find the amount of wasted potential disturbing.